I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
