too bad you live with your parents still
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
