I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
