I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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