Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
