after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
