Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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