she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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