did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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