MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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