my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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