I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
