Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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