think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
