so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
