you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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