Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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