I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
