whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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