I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
