the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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