Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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