We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
