is your mom at the bar?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
