They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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