I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
