Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
