Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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