In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
