my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
