he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As shirtless as possible
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
