I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
