zippers are such a cool invention
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
