If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
