could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
