my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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