I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So vagazzling was a success
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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