My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
