if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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