Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
