Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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