I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
