Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
