You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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