Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
