I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
porn star boner night. come get it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
