I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
