i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
