I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
