I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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