I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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