She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
